To my love

Snippets of my letter to my love on his senior day.

Conrad,

                My love. I have sat down to write you this note too many times. I struggle even finding the words to start. Tomorrow is your senior day. Your last game on your home field and with just a few short games remaining your football career will end. I know the mixed emotions surrounding you right now, as I have just been through this a few months ago, but not only that. It is because we are one. I share your emotions. I know how you are feeling before you can even tell me. I share your pain and I share your joy. My heart is a part of yours, and always will be.  Let’s do some reminiscing, shall we?

I am so thankful for our high school football seasons together. Seems like forever ago, but I will never forget it. I proudly stood in those stands cheering you on, not even realizing the impact football would have on our relationship. I will never forget the game day gifts I gave you and the joy I felt seeing how much you appreciated me. I knew you were something special. I will never forget you wearing your jersey to school on Friday and having the honor of wearing a t-shirt with your name on the back on game days. I will never forget you winking at me on the sidelines and catching my eye after a touchdown pass. I will never forget waiting for you after the games at the Buick. High school football memories are memories we both will cherish the rest of our lives. We will tell stories to our children about how Friday nights under the lights were perfect and our lives revolved around them.

Going out of high school we both were looking at empty pages, with no clue where life was going to take us.  The recruiting process was a tough one, knowing our odds of going to the same school were so slim, but knowing how important it was that we both follow our dreams of playing college athletics. I remember when I decided to commit to Drake University and I remember when you committed to Truman. I will never forget the day you left for your first college football camp, and collapsing on my driveway watching you drive away. The uncertainty of what was ahead was brutal, but I am so thankful for those times. We have gotten the chance to take our own paths and find out who we are, but still remain one. I know God had his hand on this the whole time.

College football has been such a journey. I know how hard it has been Conrad Wilson. I am so glad I have been here through the whole thing, and I want you to know every ounce of pain you have felt I have felt too. BUT through all that adversity you spread the love of Jesus. You learned to forgive. You learned to love others when it was hard. You learned that your role on the team may not be to throw touchdowns, but something way bigger than that. You grew as a Godly man that year, through trial after trial.

This year- you have become yourself on that field once again. The Conrad I knew from high school. The quarterback with extreme confidence oozing out of him. The player that gets so pumped up when a teammate does something great he can’t even contain himself. The man who throws touchdowns and sprints down that field beating his chest. The guy who plays recklessly and with a fierce passion. You have played for Jesus. He restored you on that field and you have glorified him. You know it is not about playing time, or touchdowns, or recognition. You know these things do not define you, but what does is that whatever you are doing that you GLORIFY HIM. Conrad you have done that and I am extremely proud. I love that man you have become on that field and in life. God has used football to make you a better man.

Conrad Schottel, I have never met a better leader than you. Leadership is something God has gifted you with, and football has made you an even better leader.  I have been blessed to watch you play football for 7 years and watch you lead so many brothers on and off the field and I am so proud of you. Seeing you lead on that field has given me confidence that you will be an amazing husband. I know you will lead our family so well. I know you will do whatever you need to do for our family. Football has been a way for you to show your leadership skills, and now with that ending I am so geeked (stole your word) for God to continuously show you other ways to lead. You are an amazing football player, but an even better man.

I will forever miss you winking at me on the sidelines, watching you pound your chest running down the field after a long touchdown pass, the hours of football talk, and being wrapped up in those sweaty hugs post game. I hope these are a part of my heaven, because they bring me so much joy. I might be (okay I am) crying right now thinking of football ending. It has been and will forever be a part of our relationship. I can’t wait to share these memories with our children. But even more than that I can’t wait for the joy that Heaven will bring with you (you get to play football without knee pain!).

I love you my big 14 and can’t wait to see you at the altar so soon. 

  

November scramble

With college winding down and the real world knocking on my door it's safe to say I have a lot on my mind. 

In five short weeks I am done student teaching. It has been such a blessing in my life and has provided me a lot of guidance on where I need to be- in the classroom. With that being said I am so ready to be done because of all the exciting things in the next few months  I am so glad I get to spend the next 5 weeks with 3 year olds singing and dancing and with some amazing professionals guiding me. I am going to use the remaining weeks to be a sponge and soak in all the knowledge I can in the remaining weeks. 

The wedding plans are looking mighty fine. Only 69 more days until we tie the knot and we are so excited. I dream about it like 5 times a week and it's constantly on my mind. Invitations will be in the mail this week, honeymoon is booked, I pick up my dress from alterations at the end of November, rehearsal dinner is planned, and ceremony details are being finalized. WE ARE SO PUMPED. 

I am moving away from Des Moines where I have spent the past 4.5 years. It is a weird thing, and it's not so much the town I will miss but the people. I will always be thankful for the greatest friends I have met in this beautiful city and excited to see where the new chapter takes these friendships.  

THINHS HAPPENING IN THE NEXT FEW MONTHS:

Conrad's senior game

Moving from Des Moines

Finishing student teaching

Graduation

Chicago visit

Mexico

WEDDDINGGGG

Honeymoon 

Moving!

WOW. There are so many fun things coming up and I can't wait to talk about all of them on here. 

I burnt the cookies...

You guys it is time for me to be honest here. This weekend was a little rough.

I had offered to bring dessert to the tailgate for the Truman football game. I decided to bring some cheesecake bites and then got a package of Pillsbury oatmeal chocolate chip cookies as well.

And obviously by the title you can tell, things didn't go well.

I was finished making the cheesecake bites and was on my phone with my mom when the timer went off for the cookies. Conrad checked them and they needed a bit more time. So the oven door was closed and off our minds went, back to our busy lives oblivious of the scorching cookies in the oven. Ten minutes later we are standing in his room when my mind remembered... the cookies. I made eye contact with Conrad and my head immediately dropped. He knew. We had been down this road before.

I had burned the cookies again. You might be wondering 'so what?'  They are Pillsbury cookies, we already have cheesecake bites. It shouldn't be a big deal. But here is the thing. This is something that repeatedly happens to me. It happens almost every time I make cookies. I honestly can't even remember a time this hasn't happened. And the devil always steps in and starts telling me:

You are not good enough.

What kind of woman are you, you can't even bake cookies.

You won't be a good wife, good wives cook and wear aprons and smile and never burn the cookies.

You need to be better. 

You aren't a Godly 'put together' woman.

This is a place where the devil steps into my life a lot. He attacks me as a woman. Someone who can't cook. Someone who doesn't deserve everything she got at her bridal shower because she doesn't even know how to bake cookies. That my life revolves are Ramen Noodles. (which it does in college), but I swear I can follow a recipe!

I didn't care at all that the cookies were burned and we wouldn't have them for the tailgate. I cared because I felt like I wasn't measuring up. I felt like I was failing as a woman and for that matter not meeting the expectation of a Christian wife. 

Which is the EXACT OPPOSITE of what is true.

I grabbed my bible and my phone, turned on Pandora and laid down on the back deck. I NEEDED alone time so bad. I closed my eyes and began to pray. I shed some tears and prayed to our Father, something like this:

Jesus, I thank you that I am yours. and that no matter how many times I burn cookies in my life that I will never be less of yours. That you will always love me for me, through my failures and through my tears I know your love never falters and will never fade. I rebuke the devil right here and right now. I pray that he will not be able to make me feel like less of a woman over some $4 batch of cookies. I pray that I believe what you think of me. 

My strong fiance prayed over me and I felt better. Prayer works people, I am telling you!

Then we went to Hy-Vee where I bought some cookies in a box.

and guess what???

This is me. and it doesn't make me less of a woman or less of a future wife that I had to buy cookies in a box. It makes me human. and still immensely loved by God. (Can you tell I am feeling good about standing up to the devil?)

This is the beginning of something new. It is the beginning of a time when I won't let the devil's lies get to me about my cooking or my womanhood. I will remember what my Father thinks of me and how he loves me. I will recognize the spiritual attack. Take immediate action. I will pray. I will ask my fiance to pray. I will smile at God, and move forward. I won't be perfect, but I will continue to get better at this. It was amazing to be able to fight the devil with my man and makes me excited for what marriage has to offer, because I know the devil will be heading for us full force.

I know this won't be the last batch of cookies I will burn, but I know it is a HUGE part of moving forward and growing with God. 

Please remember, you are extremely loved by our God and today is the day to stop believing the lies the devil is telling you.

You are good enough just how you are, God's love will never fade because of your failures. 

lately

Lately:
-- I have been spending a lot of time at Caribou Coffee. Fall flavors just came out.  An iced pumpkin spiced chai will be an attachment to my hands for the next few months.

-- Trying to stay out of my not air conditioned apartment. Thank you weather bug for the last few days in the 100s.
-- Just finished up my time in my first student teaching placement. I surprisingly didn't cry when I had to leave. I just was so blessed by this placement and know if I was staying in the area it is a school I would be extremely lucky to be a part of. The kids wrote me notes on my last day and my mentor teacher surprised me with a gift basket of things I will need in my classroom.

-- I get to go have a road trip with my man this weekend and make our way down to St. Louis for his cousins wedding. This is the beginning of a lot of traveling for me this Fall to go see some Truman Football!
-- I start my next student teaching placement on Tuesday in a grades 3-5 resource special education room. This will be extremely different from what I just finished, so YAY for a lot of experiences.
-- My friends and I booked MEXICO PART 2 for this upcoming New Years.  All of us from last year plus one more amazing girl are going! I am so excited and have been so blessed by the friendships of the older girls on my Drake team. They are friendships that are worth the distance. I love when we all do get to meet up and enjoy each other, it is always unforgettable. I will get to see them in Mexico, at my wedding, and then again 6 months later at my BFF lynn's wedding! It is going to be an awesome 2014.

This is us on our trip last year! 

-- I have been so excited to move to Kirksville and get things going. I know this is going to be so much fun to start fresh with my sweet groom and get to build up new relationships in a different town.
-- I have been failing on honeymoon planning, and wishing someone else would do it for me.
-- Wedding planning has been so much fun lately! A lot of talk about bridal shower and the night before the wedding and I cannot wait!!!
-- CROSSFIT. My roomies and I got memberships at a local crossfit gym thanks to Groupon and it is kicking our butts! It has been awesome and I can't wait to see more changes in my body because of this.
-- This has definitely been a few weeks of growth for me and I feel like the devil is taking every chance to make a stab at me. I know who holds my heart and that these roughies that are happening are just to strengthen me and I will use them to grow closer to God.

So there's my life in a nutshell. :)

He knew before I was born

I am someone who has to work really hard at a lot of things in life. I don't want this to sound like a pity party, just hang with me for a second. Things don't come naturally to me. Even softball, I love softball and it was a gift from God in my life. But I had to work hard to be decent at it. I wasn't a player who could show up and be great. I am creative, but not artistic. I can think of ideas but can't put them together. 

I am athletic, but not a freak athlete. I put in hours to try and make success happen. ETC-- ETC---

This is something I have dealt with and struggled with for a long time. 

BUT- I have finally found the thing that comes naturally to me. 

TEACHING

It comes easy.

It makes my heart happy.

I feel comfortable and confident.

I feel like I've been doing it my whole life.

My first week of bell to bell (full time) teaching had been so easy and natural. My teacher trusts me in her room and I have already been rated proficient on all my standards with another two weeks at this placement. To have something like this in my life is so rewarding and encouraging and something I can see myself doing the rest of my life. I know it will get hard. and like any job I will have bad days. I will struggle and sure I will fail. Like today when I showed up for the writing lesson without the book I was supposed to read. But what is important is how I was flexible and adjusted to the mistake and was able to laugh it off and move forward. I love working with the kids. I love being in first grade. I love laughing with them and dancing with them and watching a child's face when they get a star or a stamp on their paper because they finally mastered a skill they have been working on for two weeks.

AND the most amazing thing about it all?

God knew this was it. My whole life, even before I was born. God knew that in August 2013 he was going to reveal this to me. He knew he was going to place me with a mentor teacher who was a Christian and would bless us with such meaningful talks. He knew that I was going to spend my weekends at a coffee shop planning and being completely content with that. He knew that I was going to be obsessed with the planning and preparation part of teaching. He gifted me with organization and I have been waiting to use it like this my whole life.  He knew he was going to ease my heart and provide me so much joy.

And now he has shared this all with me and I know him more. Because I realize how much he knows my heart and cares for me and just ADORES ME. 

He loves us like no one else will ever be able to. 

He is good.

so long sweet summertime.

Summer officially ended for me about a month ago. But this weekend I got the pleasure to wrap up summer with my love in Des Moines. He reports to his last college football camp on Wednesday. SO I gladly will say SO LONG LAST SUMMER APART. Next summer we will finally get to be together and spend some awesome summer time together, which hasn't happened since high school. (crazy huh)

This weekend was so relaxing and fun and I want to share it with you all!

 

 

 

Here is a modge podge of pics from us at the fair. The one and only Iowa State Fair. I hope this is something Conrad and I can continue to come to and enjoy because the time spent together was so awesome. We don't get a lot of dates together and when we do it normally includes going out to dinner. But having a day wandering around the fair was just such a refreshing change of pace and it was a blast!

NOW THE MOST IMPORTANT THING.

The food we ate:

- Bloody Mary

-Pickle Dawg (pickle, cream cheese, wrapped in ham, deep fried.)

- Tenderloin.

-Double bacon wrapped corn dog with syrup

- Red velvet funnel cake.

- Deep fried brownie 

Notice the last two pictures? Yep we got locked out. Well we thought we did. So luckily the back door was open but then we had to pry open this window and climb through. Later to find my key in my wallet which I have. 

Welcome to our life. I can't wait to share more stories like this, because our life is real, and entertaining. And a joyous ride. 

First week in the books ;)

I have survived my first week of student teaching!

It is definitely an adjustment, but one I love so much.

My mentor teacher is amazing! We actually have a lot in common. She is an organized person, likes the little details, and IS A CHRISTIAN.

This is such a blessing in my life and a long time praying about. I am so thankful that setting up the classroom there was Christian music playing and we could talk about Jesus. It has just been an encouraging week on top of all the busy stuff because God is our friend and we both adore him!

Day 1 lessons learned:

-- OKAY OVERDRESSED.

--for meetings, tone it down a bit. dress to impress but don't go over the top.

-- first day= meetings.

-- new principal= double meetings.

-- my 1st grade team is AWESOME

-- apparently 8:30 is my new bed time.

Day 2 lessons learned:

-- straight hair lasts longer than curly.

-- a muffin from the Target bakery kept me full into 12:30

-- chugging water results in going to the bathroom at inconvenient times.

-- setting up the classroom is the best thing ever.

-- let it slide if you tape something on crooked. (OCD probz)

-- asleep by 9? This is going well for me!

Day 3 lessons learned:

--Apparently- if you wake up and your hair looks awful you can just rely on your best buddy sock bun! This stayed in my hair all day and I was thankful I could work with my messy hair.

-- You have no idea what your schedule looks like and what you have to get done, but you know you are gonna love your time.

-  If you have a 2 scoop protein shake for breakfast your tummy is growling at 10.

This is my selfie to my fiance with my classroom :)

Apparently by day 4 I got tired of taking pictures of my outfit! which is so lame because this was the first day of school!

Day 4 lessons learned:

--at least get a pic of your outfit on the first day! pooey (it was a sleeveless red dress with a black belt and black pointy flats) 

-- Keep your sunglasses in your car! my sunglasses have been a huge help on the way to school while driving right into the sun. this was the first day I remembered to leave them in my car so I had them!

-- Laugh so you don't cry. 

-- Be ready to repeat yourself A LOT. 

--Just enjoy the ride. 

Day 5 lessons learned:

-- A full week will lead you to take this picture in the morning and send it to your man. 

-- A lace shirt with black skinnies and Toms is the perfect teaching outfit. comfy and cute. 

-- You now repeat in your head that students are safe, respectful, and responsible. No more using a sheet needed. 

This book is what I am reading during quiet time in the mornings. It is so encouraging and a perfect start to my days with a coffee (or two) by my side.

---this week has been INCREDIBLE. I cannot even describe how much I love it. Walking out of school today I took a deep breath and let it out and soaked it all in. I felt at peace and I know I am meant to be a teacher and have this lifestyle. It fills my heart up so much. I love the students, the staff, and the planning and preparation that is involved. It is right up my alley! 

(sorry about picture sizes. they're big when I upload from my phone)