Monday, September 23, 2013

I burnt the cookies...

You guys it is time for me to be honest here. This weekend was a little rough.
I had offered to bring dessert to the tailgate for the Truman football game. I decided to bring some cheesecake bites and then got a package of Pillsbury oatmeal chocolate chip cookies as well.
And obviously by the title you can tell, things didn't go well.
I was finished making the cheesecake bites and was on my phone with my mom when the timer went off for the cookies. Conrad checked them and they needed a bit more time. So the oven door was closed and off our minds went, back to our busy lives oblivious of the scorching cookies in the oven. Ten minutes later we are standing in his room when my mind remembered... the cookies. I made eye contact with Conrad and my head immediately dropped. He knew. We had been down this road before.
I had burned the cookies again. You might be wondering 'so what?'  They are Pillsbury cookies, we already have cheesecake bites. It shouldn't be a big deal. But here is the thing. This is something that repeatedly happens to me. It happens almost every time I make cookies. I honestly can't even remember a time this hasn't happened. And the devil always steps in and starts telling me:
You are not good enough.
What kind of woman are you, you can't even bake cookies.
You won't be a good wife, good wives cook and wear aprons and smile and never burn the cookies.
You need to be better. 
You aren't a Godly 'put together' woman.

This is a place where the devil steps into my life a lot. He attacks me as a woman. Someone who can't cook. Someone who doesn't deserve everything she got at her bridal shower because she doesn't even know how to bake cookies. That my life revolves are Ramen Noodles. (which it does in college), but I swear I can follow a recipe!

I didn't care at all that the cookies were burned and we wouldn't have them for the tailgate. I cared because I felt like I wasn't measuring up. I felt like I was failing as a woman and for that matter not meeting the expectation of a Christian wife. 
Which is the EXACT OPPOSITE of what is true.
I grabbed my bible and my phone, turned on Pandora and laid down on the back deck. I NEEDED alone time so bad. I closed my eyes and began to pray. I shed some tears and prayed to our Father, something like this:
Jesus, I thank you that I am yours. and that no matter how many times I burn cookies in my life that I will never be less of yours. That you will always love me for me, through my failures and through my tears I know your love never falters and will never fade. I rebuke the devil right here and right now. I pray that he will not be able to make me feel like less of a woman over some $4 batch of cookies. I pray that I believe what you think of me. 
My strong fiance prayed over me and I felt better. Prayer works people, I am telling you!

Then we went to Hy-Vee where I bought some cookies in a box.
and guess what???
This is me. and it doesn't make me less of a woman or less of a future wife that I had to buy cookies in a box. It makes me human. and still immensely loved by God. (Can you tell I am feeling good about standing up to the devil?)

This is the beginning of something new. It is the beginning of a time when I won't let the devil's lies get to me about my cooking or my womanhood. I will remember what my Father thinks of me and how he loves me. I will recognize the spiritual attack. Take immediate action. I will pray. I will ask my fiance to pray. I will smile at God, and move forward. I won't be perfect, but I will continue to get better at this. It was amazing to be able to fight the devil with my man and makes me excited for what marriage has to offer, because I know the devil will be heading for us full force.

I know this won't be the last batch of cookies I will burn, but I know it is a HUGE part of moving forward and growing with God. 

Please remember, you are extremely loved by our God and today is the day to stop believing the lies the devil is telling you.
You are good enough just how you are, God's love will never fade because of your failures.