Thursday, April 14, 2016

Jesus is good enough

I love her so much. 
This is hard. 
She is perfect. 
Am I doing this right?
I wish I was breastfeeding. 
I am so glad we have found something that works for her and our family. 
Am I holding her enough?
I'm not good at being a stay at home mom. 
All I do is pump. 
I'm so glad she's getting my milk. 
Yes Netflix, I'm still watching. 
Is she going to be okay?
I miss my job. 
I'm so sad I miss my job. 
Am I taking this time for granted? 
I wish my husband was here. 
I never want to forget these moments. 
Do I have hobbies?
I can't wait to see her grow. 
Will she know how much I love her? 
I love being a mommy. 
Am I doing good enough? 

So many thoughts, so many feelings and questions with one very overwhelming thought. 
I need more Jesus. 

This season is so good. It is so good for me to be challenged by these thoughts and find out how much I truly NEED Jesus. This is tough and eye opening and I pray that through this last month of being home with my sweet angel baby that I soak in all these snuggles and moments that I'll never get back and that ultimately I draw closer to God. 
It is so easy for the devil to attack new moms and make them feel like they aren't good enough. And some days it is hard to not believe those lies, but I am. I am good enough, I am loved, I am made to be right here where I am right now. This season of growth and learning more about myself as a woman, wife, friend, and mother. 

Jesus I want more of you. I need more of you.  Thank you for this beautiful life.

written at 7 weeks postpartum

Friday, April 1, 2016

sienna june-- 2 months

two months

My girl is 2 months old! She has changed so much this month and I love how she is becoming more alert. She is still in size 1 diapers and wearing 0-3 month clothes. Her newborn clothes are officially too small.

Weight: 10lbs 12oz
Height: 23.5 inches
We had to follow up with an orthopedic pediatrician because Sienna's hip ultrasound came back with abnormalities on the right side. Turns out she had mild hip dysplasia in both hips caused from being breech. Her hips are underdeveloped and shallow. She is in hip braces for 7 weeks, 23 hours a day. She doesn't seem phased by them at all! We follow up in May to hopefully see great results.

moving!!! family walks, her wubanub binky even if not in her mouth she likes it by her face, being swaddled, sleeping with her sound machine, smiling at mommy and daddy, her new swing. 

being overstimulated, she has cried a few times and we couldn't figure out why until we laid her down and she passed out. She likes to nap in her bassinet and needs that time apparently!

I am still exclusively pumping and she is bottle fed with breast milk. She takes 3-4 ounces depending on how long she slept before the feeding.  She needs a few burps each feeding. She gets gassy and needs gripe water every now and then. It soothes her right away.  She wants instant gratification and has a quick temper if the bottle isn't warmed up as fast as she likes it. 

Sienna is such a good little sleeper. This month she has gone 7 hours a few times and two 8 hour spans after being held all day! She typically eats every 3 to 4 hours, or even longer stretches at night. She is awake for a little bit and then back to bed. During the day she has about 30 minutes to an hour awake time after each bottle and then back to sleep. She is still sleeping in her rock and play bassinet with the snuggle nest inside it. She sleeps swaddled and with her sound machine on.
  She loves to be walked before bed and we lay her in her bassinet awake and she falls asleep. 

She likes tummy time, but only for short amounts of time. She likes to sit in her bouncy chair and swing and is starting to look at that animals hanging from it. 

Sienna June
I have absolutely adored this month with you. The awake time, the smiles, sweet giggles, and alert eyes are making my days with you so much fun. I love seeing you grow and change, yet I want you to stay little forever. It broke my heart seeing you in your leg braces, but you handled it like a little stud. I am so proud of you already and know you're going to be a tough little girl. Seeing you smile when you see me and hear my voice melts my whole world, I am so lucky to be your mommy. I love you forever and always, no matter what.