Thursday, April 14, 2016

Jesus is good enough

I love her so much. 
This is hard. 
She is perfect. 
Am I doing this right?
I wish I was breastfeeding. 
I am so glad we have found something that works for her and our family. 
Am I holding her enough?
I'm not good at being a stay at home mom. 
All I do is pump. 
I'm so glad she's getting my milk. 
Yes Netflix, I'm still watching. 
Is she going to be okay?
I miss my job. 
I'm so sad I miss my job. 
Am I taking this time for granted? 
I wish my husband was here. 
I never want to forget these moments. 
Do I have hobbies?
I can't wait to see her grow. 
Will she know how much I love her? 
I love being a mommy. 
Am I doing good enough? 

So many thoughts, so many feelings and questions with one very overwhelming thought. 
I need more Jesus. 

This season is so good. It is so good for me to be challenged by these thoughts and find out how much I truly NEED Jesus. This is tough and eye opening and I pray that through this last month of being home with my sweet angel baby that I soak in all these snuggles and moments that I'll never get back and that ultimately I draw closer to God. 
It is so easy for the devil to attack new moms and make them feel like they aren't good enough. And some days it is hard to not believe those lies, but I am. I am good enough, I am loved, I am made to be right here where I am right now. This season of growth and learning more about myself as a woman, wife, friend, and mother. 

Jesus I want more of you. I need more of you.  Thank you for this beautiful life.

written at 7 weeks postpartum

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