ONE

We are coming up on ONE year of marriage. We aren't experts in marriage, aren't striving to be, and won't ever be. Marriage is different for every couple who share in this amazing unity. What we think of marriage and what works for us could be completely different for you. That is the beauty of it all.  

What we ARE striving to do is to grow closer to each other, to God, and to continously work on OUR marriage. Listed below are some things we have learned about our marriage in the past year and we wanted to share it with you:

You'll see through this blog we have taken our ideas and somewhat thrown them together. Conrad's thoughts are in black print.

Samantha's thoughts are in blue  print.

About 6 months into our marriage, I began to sit under the counsel of one of the strongest and wisest men I know. Conversations I shared with this mentor have rescued me from so much heartache and brought us immeasurable joy.  

Were I to list with you all of the numerous nuggets of wisdom I have gleaned from my mentor, this post would be obnoxiously long. So here are 3 of my favorites..

1)Chaos is normal.....and OK.

In all dimensions of life in this world, chaos is normal. But this is especially true in marriage. Living life with another person from the opposite sex in such close quarters is messy, literally and figuratively. So much of my internal annoyances early in my marriage all stemmed from the fact that I wanted my life and our marriage to fit into a pretty little box with a ribbon on it. I wanted life to work on my terms. I want Samantha to always be delightful and cheery. I want the apartment to be spotless and orderly. I want to feel like I'm in total control of all aspects of my life. I want to be energetic and kick ass at work. I want to budget every stinkin penny of our money with precision and power. But as you can guess, reality almost never matches my divine expectations. Chaos is normal. And that's OK. In fact, its extremely good. It disrupts my perfectionism and releases a TON of pressure I put on myself. Embracing the constant chaos of life actually gives me permission to be myself--a dearly loved, favorite son of my Papa in Heaven. 

2) "The worse she does, the better she's doing." 

This is one of those pieces of gold that my mentor shared with me. And it completely transformed how I handle conflict and confrontation in marriage. My mentor explained that there is no reason to worry when Samantha gets extremely angry with me, or when she is emotional. This is actually a GOOD thing. When I first heard this it made no sense at all.

 But he explained, "When Samantha attacks you or is rather animated with her emotions, this is gold. This shows that she feels safe. Women want to feel safe, they want to especially feel safe when they are at their wits end. Right now, shes testing the waters. With every conflict or outburst, her heart is asking this question: 'How much of me will you accept? How much of me can you really handle? 30%? 50%? Can you handle all of me at my very worst?' Thus, conflict and certain situations that arise, are not about solving the problem at hand, or saving the day. You don't have to be superman to Samantha. You just have to be present, and show her, time and time again, that you accept her and that her heart is safe with you." 

This counsel is so holy. It has completely transformed our marriage, and me. I don't have to save the day, I just have to listen to her heart. I don't have to solve all the problems or 'figure it out', I just have to be present to Samantha. 

3) It's all about unity. 

Money. Sex. Work. Vacation. Exercise. Reading. Church. Family. All of these categories, in addition to the many more that married life has to offer, are all about one thing: Unity. 

Our financial situation isn't about saving up for a down payment, or budgeting our money perfectly. It's about unity. It's about sharing life in this context, and pursuing a holy and rare context in our marriage--Two Becoming One. Its the Fathers original design and intent when it comes to marriage, and the more we step into this category of unity in different situations, the more life and joy we seem to stumble upon.  

I have learned so much about Conrad and our marriage in this past year and I can't ever get them all down on paper but here is what I have so far.

1)This world has a sad and negative view of marriage. They blow off our romance and giddiness for each other by saying that we are just 'newlyweds' and that it will fade in the next few years. We absolutely refuse to let that happen. We have been together almost 8 years and we continue to cherish, romance, and enjoy our time together. Not only is our relationship the two of us, but we have our loving and guiding Jesus who is constantly with us. He is always showing us that our time on earth is nothing compared to eternity together. I want to pray for Conrad and show him Jesus's love every day and I know he desires to do the same. So when I am having a bad day and he brings me flowers, it is not us being newlyweds, it is Conrad sharing Jesus's heart and love with me. When Conrad is dealing with a lot and I write him a note to just remind him how much he is cherished and adored, that is not us being 'newlyweds' it is me extending God's love to him.

We will continue to do this no matter the cost and I guess if it is viewed by the world as being 'newlyweds' then I really  hope we never stop being newlyweds. 

2) Conflict is okay. When we lean into God and what He is saying about us the exaggeration of conflict is diminished and a new light is shined when trouble arises. The devil is constantly waiting for conflict to break out so he can exaggerate it and separate our thoughts, and ultimately us. When we think negative thoughts about our spouse it is the devil sneaking into our minds and twisting whatever just happened. The sooner we realized this the quicker our fights and arguments turned into discussions and appreciation of one another. We are two different people, who think and do completely different things. There are going to be times where we disagree. Conflict begins to bring us closer to one another when we remember to disagree with respect and unfailing love.

Marriage is the hardest thing I have ever done. It's also been the best thing I've ever done. 

Learning as I go

5 months ago I wandered to a new town with my new husband to start a new job.

Whoa. A lot of 'new' things were happening.

I had thought a lot about what I wanted to do when I got to Kirksville. I knew I would substitute teach,  but I had a decision on whether I would be a personal trainer for the business Conrad would manage. I had said no multiple times, but one day God told me YES. and so reluctantly, I took on a new adventure of personal training. What a glorious blessing it has become.

 

Through many months of the storms of adjusting to a new place my clients were the rainbows that kept me going.

 They became not only clients, but friends. Friends that cared about me deeply as a person. Friends that showed me God's love.  They listened as I cried and laughed. They shared new recipes with me. They shared tips on laundry, cleaning the house, and how to love well. They told me about friendships that have slowly faded and others that have continued to grow strong. They opened up to me. They told me stories about their marriages and about their lives. I got to see their hearts shine through when they talked about things they excelled at and I got to see even more of their hearts when they talked about their struggles. These are confident woman. They have been through so much and still truly love and enjoy life. They enjoy the woman God has created them to be.

 

The biggest things these woman have taught me is that life is full of changes. Friends come and go, jobs come and go, life is constantly changing.

One thing never changes. God's love. His love is constant. God created me just how I am. He loves me just how I am, my weaknesses and all. How remarkable is that?

  I am so glad God led me to this road and as reluctant as I was, used this to help me become a better woman.

This is my last week training my friends, before I head off to have a friend filled month of July and then start my new journey as a teacher and a coach.

 

 

I say thank you.

Thank you to God, who guides my heart into places where I can grow.

Thank you to my husband, who has been my support and guidance through a new job. Thank you for accepting me into his work place and letting me share 5 fabulous months working with him you. These are months I will forever cherish with you.

Thank you to my clients(friends). I will never forget your life lessons and your love that you showed me.

Unanswered Questions

I have to remind myself all the time of the plan my faithful God has for my life. The God I love and talk to is a God who never fails to shine his light on me. He gives me a sunrise in the morning, the birds chirping, or a breeze that blows across my cheek when I need it the most. It is through college that I learned to become tuned in to  His little gifts showing me He is near. My God is one who romances me every day, but he is not a God who is always quick to give answers or show me His plan. I always want an answer right away, I mean He knows what is going to happen so why can't He just show me right now? We live in a world that needs everything quickly and I love how constant our Father is and always shows up at the right time.

Now let me just tell you, I love a good planner. I love to spend time with planner and organize my life. I like to know what is coming next and I like to have everything in order. I am not a huge fan of spontaneity. Text me at 4pm and ask me to come to dinner at 6pm? WHOA HOLD ON. I didn't have that planned. I like to be spontaneous and do fun things, if I am aware they are happening.

So it is during this time in my life. A time full of unanswered questions that I grow closer to God. It is a time where I have to rely on Him and trust His plan for me. I could go on and on about all the things I am not sure of in my life.

But one thing remains the same.

God's love.

It never fails, never waivers. He always pursues me and romances me. He blesses me with a husband who serves God, loves me like Jesus does, and prays for me daily. He blesses me with friends who even though too many miles apart continue to put in effort to keep our friendships strong. He blesses me with family who supports me in everything I do and is always looking for what's best for me. He blesses me with new opportunities and experiences in a new city. He blesses me with challenge, with the hard stuff, with drawing me nearer to Him no matter what day to day living might look like.

 

So I may not know what the next year, next week, or even tomorrow look likes for me. My planner may be empty, but my heart is so alive.

 

 

 

 

Forgiveness

I think everyone at some point in their life struggles to forgive. They don't want to forgive because its hard, because that person doesn't deserve it, or because they are still hurting. Whatever the reason may be, we all find excuses not to forgive someone. Because lets be honest here. Forgiving is hard.
Let me tell you something though-- Forgiveness can be AMAZING! I have loved seeing God work in me to forgive and there was something that very much so helped me along the way.

It is in the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. If you know us Schottels, you know we swear by the Ransomed Heart Ministry and all the books that the Eldredges write.
Just a little background on the book, Captivating talks about the dreams of a woman's soul. "She longs to be swept up into a romance, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, to be the beauty of the story.... The message of Captivating is this: Your heart matters more than anything else in all creation... God offers to come now as the Hero of your story, to rescue your heart and release you to live as a fully alive and feminine woman. A woman who is truly captivating."

I couldn't agree more. I am now going through this book for the third time and it has spoken to me in new ways every time. The part that really hit home this time was Chapter Six: Healing the Wound. It gets real, and it gets vulnerable. I truly believe that becoming vulnerable during forgiveness leads to big healing of your heart.

Captivating page 104:
"Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (Col 3:13)"

"Now- listen carefully. Forgiveness is a choice. It is not a feeling- don't try and feel forgiving. It is an act of the will. "Don't wait to forgive until you feel like forgiving," wrote Neil Anderson. "You will never get there. Feelings take time to heal after the choice to forgive is made."  We allow God to bring the hurt up from our past, for "if your forgiveness doesn't visit the emotional core of your life, it will be incomplete," said Anderson. We acknowledge that it hurt, that it mattered, and we chose to extend forgiveness to our fathers, our mothers, those who hurt us. This is not saying, "It didn't really matter." ; it is not saying, "I probably deserved part of it anyways." Forgiveness says, "It was wrong Very wrong. It mattered, hurt me deeply. And I release you. I give you to God I will not be your captive here any longer."
It might help to remember that those who hurt you were also deeply wounded themselves. They were broken hearts, broken when they were young, and they fell captive to the Enemy. They were in fact pawns in his hands. This doesn't absolve them of the choices they made, the things they did. It just helps us to let them go- to realize that they were shattered souls themselves, used by our true Enemy in his war against femininity."


Forgiveness isn't weak. It is strong. SO strong. It is you admitting hey that hurt me and it impacted me. It is giving it to God, giving your pain to Him and letting Him come into your heart and heal you. It takes time, it is definitely not an overnight process. But it is a choice. A choice you can make daily to give your pain, bitterness, and anger over to God and slowly but surely let him restore and heal your heart.

Hello Sweet March

Hello Sweet March,


Hello to the month that I have been counting down the days to. The month where I get to see some of my best friends. My heart has been aching for them. My heart needs communion and hugs from my sweet friends. I have struggled adjusting to a life that was all friends everyday, boyfriend on the weekend -- to--  husband everyday (BEST THING EVER) and no friends except for occasional visits (HARDEST THING EVER). It is safe to say my heart isn't adjusting well to being so far away from my friends. From not being able to walk to the room over and say hi, from having to schedule phone calls just to ask how are you. So hello to you March, where trips to Chicago, Iowa, and friends coming to Kirksville is definitely designed to give this aching heart some rest.

Hello to the month where Conrad and I celebrate 7 years together! Where we continue to learn more about each other through this blessing called marriage. Where we continue to stare in awe of our dog who sleeps all day, plays all night, and occasionally greets us in the morning with a puddle of pee on the ground.

Hello to the month where hopefully spring weather starts to blossom and the days get warmer.

Hello to the month where we venture out into the community more and try to meet new people and make more friends.

Hello to the month full of job applications and prayers.

Hello to the month full of trying new crockpot recipes.

Hello to a month full of promising opportunities, seeking God, and choosing to live in JOY.

Love,
Samantha Schottel

What marriage has taught me.. PART 1

A good friend text me last night and asked, "What have you learned about marriage."
I laughed when I received this text, and wasn't even sure I knew where to begin.


The number one and BIGGEST thing I have realized is that the devil works in some mysterious ways. Let's just say, I knew this before, but had no idea the extremes of this statement until recently.
Let me share with you how Conrad and I have decided this.

It was Superbowl Sunday. We woke up, went to church, and went grocery shopping.

Conrad invited three friends over for the game. And the first thing that came into my mind was HOW AM I GOING TO FEED THESE PEOPLE. I have enjoyed being a little homemaker this past month. I love getting out my dishes and making dips and enjoying people in our HOME- but was experiencing some anxiety about pulling this off. I mean its SUPERBOWL SUNDAY! People have high expectations for that day. (This is me making stuff up in my head and causing stress)
We set down at the table to talk about the dips we wanted that day and I asked Conrad what he was going to be doing before our friends came over. He rambled off how he was going to do some work for FKS and get his schedule ready for next week.
I was mad- like you're going to invite friends over and not help me prepare food or clean the house? I felt alone. Like I had to figure all this out by myself. and then I thought- Hey he might want to help. Don't assume. So I asked, "Do you mind unloading the dishwasher?"
SO- he unloaded the dishwasher all while thinking, "Is she serious? My to-do list is up to my neck. She's not grateful, and has no respect for my time or my need." LITERALLY- these words just came from him, I can't make this stuff up people.
Then he says, "I'm going to pray."
I could tell he was frustrated so he went to pray and I cried. Typical girl here. I had no idea what I did wrong, considering I was trying to not assume and seek his help. I mean I even said thank you.
I had no idea his feelings and he had no idea what was going through my mind.

To end this whole ordeal- We both had to separate. Figure out what was really going on. Seek the Lord. Then come together and communicate.
The enemy was putting his spin on our emotions and feelings. I don't really think Conrad is not helpful and he doesn't think I'm not grateful. But the devil was trying to convince us of these things. He was trying to sneak into our minds. This wasn't a blatant attack, but it could have gotten out of control without serious prayer and communication.


So the moral of the story is- The devil is sneaky and sly. Being aware of him and his attacks, no matter how 'small' they are is key to protecting our marriage. We need to focus on spending time with God, and communicating with each other regularly.

Lesson 1 down. Many more to come, I'm sure.

Post Wedding Post

WOW.
I don't even know where to begin. This past month has been completely insane in the best way possible.

The wedding was fabulous. I could talk about it forever. I have never had that much fun in my life.
We stayed at the most fabulous bed and breakfast in Liberty, MO and I would recommend it to ANYONE! We had two relaxing nights there before we headed to PUERTO VALLARTA!

Our honeymoon was fantastic.
We stayed at all all-inclusive resort and drank the best fruity drinks we could imagine. Conrad hasn't stopped talking about the Coco Rosa- a pink drink- since. ;)

We are now- FINALLY- settled in.
Our first home together in Kirksville, MO and it is going great!
We are both personal training. I have just turned in my first application for my first real teaching job!
I am excited to continue helping Conrad run this business and see where things go. God's plan is so so good!

We would appreciate the prayers for our new marriage as we learn something new everyday.